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The iPhone rang at 08:00
I heard it ring
I waited for it to ring
It is Thursday
Snoozed to 09:00
Went to bed late late
Had sex with boyfriend
Had menstruation for a week
so there was no sex because he doesn’t like blood
neither do I
but it comes out of my body nevertheless
It took me 33 years to accept
and now I am afraid of losing it and going into menopause

got an SMS from CK, it’s a picture on a street                             “sugar-street”
and a second SMS                                                       “I want drugs and alcohol”
a third SMS                                                                   “NOW”

He wrote                                                                        “you suck”

Everybody is having a life and enjoying themselves
I don’t know what to do with myself
summer is coming
maybe I should go on a diet

Boyfriend made breakfast
crispbread (35 kr), caviar (32 kr) and ecological egg (32 kr)
I also ate almond

we watched the news on Al Jazeera
Benjamin Netanyahu addressed Jared Kushner during an press conference with Trump
saying they have known each other since he was a little boy
Trump said that he believes in the solution Netanyahu believes in and they believe in the
same thing
Suddenly it was close to 11
and still
Ivanka Trump and Chelsea Clinton are best friends
I did my morning gymnastics
this month I have paid Naprapath 690 kr per gång med swish

Boyfriend
Stopped working as store host for 143 kr / hour
He went to the English school
studied at the French school
studied at art school in Oslo
speaks English, Swedish, French, German, Polish, English fluently
I have tried to date him with other girls because
I think he deserves better

“you suck”

It was my turn to do the dishes 11:30

I paid my bills with slight panic
Rent 6 076 kr
Internet 249 kr
Electricity 280 kr
Insurance 250 kr
Balanceball I ordered from Germany with pump 400 kr
Menstrualcup 309 kr
Student loans 1 200 kr
Phone 389 kr
Book Jack Zipes ordered online 230 kr
Theatre 189 kr

I have work to do for at least six more months
If I was faster, I would earn more, work more

I left my rented apartment
went out on the street
I live in a very fancy area
My house is the only tenancy amongst condominiums
By SMS I told my friend I would work at a café
It’s called Pom & Flora
By now the clock was 12:30
The place was packed
it looked like a dining room at an upper class high school with young blond rich people
The future of young bloods

panic was rising, another workday gone down the drain
questions headed up in line
the sun was shining

I took a seat next to two girls
I took a photo of the crowd in this space
sent it to my sister
My sister said she was waiting for a flight, sitting in terminal 4, domestic flights
She was surprised that she was the only young non-white amongst hundreds of
businessmen.

She took the flight to Malmö and while waiting for my friend I inhaled the atmosphere
opposite me a girl instagrammed a pic of her lunch
next to me sat two spoiled looking blondes investigating the menu, seemingly nervous,
perhaps on a date, dressed in black. The dude was wearing a watch

My friend came
We met through the Theater Journal, he ordered a text about a dead dude
I didn’t get paid
The text was great
It took me a whole week to write it

After a while we started dating and fucking
I enjoyed his curiosity and admiration

He is a white male, 30 years, previously a member of an independent church and married
Now he has left the church, divorced, working for the theatre paper as editorial secretary
working nearby, came for a visit
He said he is smiling constantly at work because he can’t stand his boss anymore
Apparently she can sense it
He is being a rebel by writing his CV during working hours, he earns approximately
23 800 kr
before taxes
I said that she is 60 years old – that generation of dictators, married to the power
They will leave it when days die or if they dies, and they will never die

He had a salad for 115 kr and a filter coffee 35 kr and paid for my cappuccino with oatmilk
price; 42 kr / is 18 minutes of work

Today has cost me 9 572 kr = 69 hours work
There are 86 400 seconds per day

We talked about his girlfriend, 24 y, literary scholar and critic for Sweden’s largest
morning paper.

He once told her to speak in Arabic while they were having sex, she cried when he asked her to do that.

I spoke about my dream of starting my own
be free
not lick and clean the asses of my male superiors
That I have worked too long at elderly care
I have cleaned their homes, their asses and been fucked and fucked up
by my male superiors

why do I feel like I am unable to do anything despite the fact that I have 348 000 kr in
student loans that opposes.

He says he wants to move on, work at different publishing companies
the big ones, the ones with depth, money and cocks

We leave each other with a hug

The cell phone rings
It’s L, Hi
This is L
L is a female, 29 y, She is average height and weight
She works as a salesman, earning 138 kr / hour for 10 – 20 hours / week
L is on sick leave for being depressed and run-out
She called in sick today to the employment office because she is over-sensitive everything is moving too fast moving too loud and the information streams without end in sight

We speak for 40 minutes about her depression

The cell phone rings
Hi, it’s M
M has a deadline and has to work all night
She wonders why she is doing this, her ex-boyfriend, 28 years earns 35 000 kr / month
while she hardly earns 13 000 after taxes
She has a daughter, 4 years old
She is tired and sad but it joking about her age, 36
She is annoyed by her 25 year-old boyfriend who called her Milf
Her menstruation is five days overdue
She will let me know if she is pregnant
the inner clock she says
The conversation is 30 minutes
a pregnancy 9 months

The cell phone rings
Hi, it’s K
He is 66 years old and has just arrived home from NYC
He is jetlagged and tired of life
We decide to eat dinner on Sunday
The conversations goes on for 15 minutes

The cell phone rings
I don’t answer

The cell phone rings
I don’t answer
SmsSMSsmssmssmssmssmssmssmssmssmssmssmsmssmsmssmssmsmsmsmsmsmsmsmsmsmsmsmsmsmsms msmsmsmsmsmsmsmsmsmsmsmsmssmsmsmswordsms are added to word sms and none of this is about work just distraction meetings mails facebook twitter al jazeera instagram netflix hbo skype

First it’s nothing more than a kind of tiredness
feelings of fatigue
exhaustion
In front of me there is a cup of coffee
a package of sugar
a cigarette that burns
One gram of speed that I have kept between the pages of a good book
when I open the book to read it slips out like glitter
I reach out for the cigarette that lies and smokes
I drink the lukewarm coffee
It’s too sweet too bitter
I dip my finger into the speed
overtaken
sweetness flows
Sugar an innocent moment of pleasure, a balm amidst the stress of life
Sugar speeds up the circle of life
You have to constantly intoxicate yourself
To forget the terrible burden that crushes your shoulders and
Weighs you to the ground
night comes
days go by
the bell strikes
I rise
I open the window to get some fresh air
I go back to the bed
Close my eyes
Head is heavy
Legs paralyzed
I don’t move
It’s one of these days
when you realise that you don’t know how to live a life and you have never known
Sometimes I feel I live 9 lives or lived for 70 or 100 years in one night
I feel ill-suited to live,
I haven’t left the room for hours, for days, for weeks
I beg the clock to go slower
One night a millennium passed in that time
This is my life,
You are 33 years old.

EPILOG

MDMA KOFFEIN ALKOHOL MOM GLUKOS CODEINE OPIUM SELF HELP NIKOTIN SOCKER DRAMA LUSTGAS MORFIN SUBUTEX BEKRÄFTELSE NOSTALGI DAD CRED KLONAZEPAM AMFETAMIN BANKID GRAVIDITET MOGADON COCILLANA CANNABIS SEX DIAZEPAM HITTA SIG SJÄLV OXYCONTIN FACEBOOK KOKAIN METADON MINDFULNESS HEROIN POLITIK SJUKINTYG KETAMIN LIKVIDITET VETENSKAP CONCERTA ROHYPNOL HANDSPRIT METAMFETAMIN PMS VÄLFÄRD SPORT XANAX SWISH TRAMADOL SEMESTER RITALIN FUTURE MIND ALTERING DRUGS COULD MAKE PRISONERS THINK THEY’RE IN JAIL FOR 1000 YEARS EVEN THOUGH THE PERSON MIGHT ONLY BE IN JAIL FOR DAYS OR PORR GMAIL DEADLINE ENVY AIR BURNED OUT MEMORY LOSS STUPIDITY FILOSOFI CRAVE SUGAR RUSH PENALTY STUDY SNORT EAT MONTHS OR A YEAR BODY = CHURCH COPY PASTE FANTASIES COSMETIC SURGERY PRODUKTIVITET APPAR OPTIMIZING SPIRITUALITET WORK MASTURBATION FUTURE SPEED SUGAR FRIENDS ADHD LANGUAGES GENITALS POLITICS PRIVILEGES COLOR RASISM PROJEKTION PILATES DEJTING TRAVELS BLODTRYCK JÄRNTABLETTER MENS REWARD CANDY TGIF ALLAH STRESS TRAIN RESTYLEN HAMBURGER M&M SILICON INTOXICATION DIET WORK HARD ROLEX PSYCHOSIS CONSUMPTION UPDATE INSTANT TIME IS MONEY COFFEE SPEED DATING HOUSECLEANING 107 WAYS TO GET MORE DONE SLOW-FOOD BIRTHDAYS EVENTS MINGLE ULYSSE NARDIN GENGHIS KHAN HAUTE JOAILLERIE 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 allt börjar om Take 5 hours from your day to teach yourself Beyonce’s formation video and perform the dance in front of your cat 01:00 stjäl den tid som behövs 02:00 fuska om det behövs 03:00 gå som du bär på en osynlig resväska 04:00 gå som om du följer din egen skugga 05:00 gå framåt med mekaniska steg 06:00 ät samma mat samma tid varje dag 07:00 gå som en människa 08:00 efterlikna en staty 09:00 sitt orörlig som en staty timme efter timme 10:00 gå vilse 11:00. gå i cirklar 12.00 gå in på ett museum se dig noggrant omkring, stanna framför varje objekt lägg huvudet på sned läs varje skylt 13. download the path to inner wellness be that person fake a smile be that person have a skin colour it to a colour you prefer be that person. Laugh. Laugh all the way to the bank. be that person have a plant water a plant ‘til it dies be that person eat eat more consume shop fuck fight do drugs smoke be that person act innocent for eighteen years then grow up document yourself refuse to be forgotten live forever get backbone use it when you are old choose a spot choose a destination in the room choose a person in this room go into the spotlight walk into the room walk in to the person be personal don’t interrupt don’t be rude be nice always don’t matter try not to make a sound be useless don’t do anything be bored be boring speed up time go to the after party have a good time go home start to think about the whole week imagine a different life live it HAVE A MIRROR look into the mirror go backwards let the mirror lead you allt börjar om 00:00

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